An Open Letter to Sean Moore
Thanks again for answering that questionnaire. No, really, thanks. As much as I expected/secretly wanted you to write “Fuck off” in response to my asking about your future live trumpet playing, you were classier than that. Having my questions returned with ACTUAL ANSWERS is still one of the coolest things that’s ever happened to me as a Manics fan, second only to you shoving my girlfriend out of your way after your Chicago show last year.
But this isn’t just a note to tell you how much I love you, even though most people would agree that I’m easily the biggest Sean Moore fan on these shores. No, I write to you today with a proposition.
Sean, I really need a computer, and so does Alyssa.
A very nasty virus claimed mine in a little under three days earlier this year. This morning, Alyssa’s old landfill of a Dell (which barely ran Firefox anyway, let alone all the neato software I wanted for Exile) finally gave up the ghost. Yes, we can make daily trips to the library to rent the computers an hour at a time – and we are – but it’s obviously not the same. No, we don’t have the best record of publishing on schedule – the reasons why are really none of your business, Sean, but if you take me up on this offer, I’ll entertain you with stories of our shitty circumstances if you really want me to.
Anyway, this is where you come in. I know you like retail therapy, but I’m not even asking you to buy me a new computer – even though you personally told me (via that questionnaire) that you bought an Apple laptop in America, which is obviously not goin to be compatible with British outlets. No, what I’m actually referring to is the piles of slightly older, gently used machines that are now gathering dust in your attic because they got small scratches, or the new-electronics smell wore off, or something cooler came out and made them obsolete.
I’ll make this as easy as possible. Say the word, and I’ll cobble together pre-addressed, pre-paid packaging so you don’t have to spend a dime donating this computer to a good cause. Shit, I’ll hire someone in Bristol to come pick it up if that’s what you want. All I know is, I can’t afford to replace my poor old Toshiba, and you’ve probably got five more exactly like it sitting around unloved. We’ll give one or two of them the attention they deserve.
Become the patron saint of Exile today, and I’ll include a tribute to you in every issue. We’ll actually publish on time for once, something we’re already trying to work out this summer. And if you act now, I’ll make a special Sean-only issue – or, if you’d rather, a no-Sean issue where you don’t have to suffer the indignity of being written about.
Give it some thought, Sean. We eagerly await your reply (even if said reply is a simple “Fuck off”).
Love,
Janelle
PS. Yes, we have considered our incompatible US plugs and voltages, and we want to add that we bought a plug converter and a voltage converter when we visited London in March, which should take care of the outlet problem. Just so you know.
